Who The Hell Am I?

So a few weeks back, I was mowing down on some breakfast with a friend when she brought up a good point… None of you people who listen to my rants really know anything about me (okay maybe a few of you do). So, although I have a mini bio on my page, I decided to blow it out and give you a lil’ more (or maybe a little too much) insight into the reason I am the way that I am. For those of you who took the time to read my initial bio, there will be some repeat jokes, don’t judge.

Aight, let’s start off like this….I AM A TWENTY-SOMETHING LADY, LIVING, LOVING AND DATING IN LOS ANGELES. Some may like to call me a writer, but I am a born and raised talker (a little gift handed down to me by my mother). I am to writing as Lauren Conrad is to acting, and if you don’t know who she is, then you are probably too old to read this blog.

Before we get into specifics, let me take you back twenty some odd years. I think you’ll get a clearer understanding of what makes me ME, and the reason I decided to start sharing my profound knowledge:) I basically grew up in the type of family that everyone dreams about (I know you were hoping for a sad “reality show-esque” sob story about how I lived in my car, but that would be a lie). I don’t think I was ever grounded, my parents and my sister were my best friends and our family dinner conversations were more than interesting. Interesting like… your mom showing your junior high boyfriend the difference between a circumcised and an uncircumcised penis using the mushrooms on her plate (not to mention my Dad was sitting right there). Hell, while we’re at it, I might as well mention that my Dad proofread my blog entry about sex and my Grandparents (often refereed to as “Bubby and Zaidy”) are my number one readers.

But wait!…there’s more!

WHEN I LOST MY VIRGINITY, MY PARENTS WERE THE FIRST PEOPLE I TOLD. Literally 45 seconds after we finished (more like after he finished) I ran upstairs to tell them. And yes, we did it in my parent’s basement…how cliché. We were the go-to family for advice and for open conversation. Think Ben Stiller’s family from ‘Meet the Fockers’, a little bit of Jew and a whole lot of crazy. So crazy in fact that I only stopped walking around the house naked when I went to college, yeah you just read that right, I was 18 years old and still walking around my house completely naked, family unfazed (minus my dad, who hated it and kept telling me that windows are “see-through you know”).

Anyway, I’m pretty sure your’e slightly creeped out, but you get the point. Basically, there is nothing that is off limits to talk about and nothing that I don’t have an opinion on. And because I don’t like to call myself a “writer,” I would prefer to say that I am SPEAKING to you as a friend and a confidant. A real woman, who is out in the 21st century dating world. I have no professional knowledge of any topic I rant about, however, I have an uncanny ability to give amazing advice (so modest, I know). I have always been the go-to friend for guidance and “man-aid,” that is, when you are ready for the no-holds-barred truth. I do have a degree, it just happens to have nothing to do with psychology (oh and yes I coined the term “man-aid”, I do that often).

And FINALLY, (because this needs clarifying) PLEASE DON’T GET IT TWISTED. I am definitely NOT an uber-feminist or a man-eater or out there drinking the hatorade. I AM a strong woman, who is trying to bring dating into the 21st century. ‘Cause trust me, its changed… we just haven’t.

So I hope that you have found my blabbing as insightful as it is true to life. And if not… you suck.

Kidding:)

May 21, 2010 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments »